Have you ever woke up with a banging head, smelling of sick and no recollection of the night before? Welcome to the wonderful world of a hangover.
Although most students are mature, hardworking and dedicated people still tend to think of us as being notorious for heavy drinking, nights out and hangovers. Although this stereotype may not be true for all students, unfortunately for a wide majority, including myself, it’s relatively accurate.
A recent study from University College London showed that 44 per cent of men and 31 per cent of women exceed the weekly alcohol consumption limits. With these figures in mind it is therefore safe to assume that more and more people are waking up with hangovers on a Sunday morning. So instead of waking up and using the old cliché, “I’m never drinking again”, follow these ‘happy hangover’ guidelines to help you through the hard times.
- Don’t try and remember the night before. Don’t ring your friends, don’t ask your housemates and definitely don’t look at your text messages. The best thing to do is make new friends, get a new phone and move out. This will save you so much unnecessary embarrassment, after all hangovers already make us feel absolutely sh*t without anything else tipping us over the edge.
- Tell all your other hungover friends that you feel ‘fine’. Trust me try a bit of reverse psychology on them, it will confuse them so much that they will feel so sorry for themselves that you will genuinely begin to think, “well at least I don’t feel as bad as them, haha”. You can then go about your every day business feeling smug and happy, whilst muttering to yourself “mind over matter”.
- Eat everything. The tip to hangovers is that the more you eat and drink the better and I’m not just talking about your average breakfast, lunch and dinner. You need to spend the day grazing like a farm animal, as this won’t just allow you to take your mind off your hangover but will also allow you to believe that if you’re sick it’s not because you’re hungover, but because you simply ate too much. Winner.
- Don’t exercise. I don’t care how many people say a casual jog helps, it is all a made up lie/scam that personal trainers invented to make more money. Ok, it’s probably not but hangover days were made for wallowing in self-pity whilst hating life, not for seizing the day and making a ‘difference’. If you chose to ruin your body the night before by consuming spirit after spirit don’t think it will forgive you now for doing a sh*tty run. You dug your grave, now lie in it.
- If all else fails, drink more. If none of these tips have helped you out quite frankly you’re doomed. The only thing left is to drink through the pain and spend the rest of your life drunk. Yes, you may end up costing the NHS thousands and it may be a nuisance getting to those AA meetings, but think on the bright side, a drunk person is a happy person.
Cheers to that.