Jeremy Kyle is the nation’s guilty pleasure. On your days off work, or mornings where you’re ill, Jeremy Kyle is a must. Not only will it provide you with an endless amount of amusement, it actually makes you feel better about any hardships you may be going through. After all, at least you have a full set of teeth and can coherently speak to other members of society in a respectable way. Watching this morning talk (screaming) show is one of my favourite past times, especially for “background noise”. We all love a bit of drama and gossip, admit it. So, just for a bit of fun, I’ve compiled a list of my Top 10 Jeremy Kyle guests; from the UK and USA.
The Man In Turmoil
The caption read “Should I marry a woman who stabbed me in the chest?”. Yes, this poor guy was debating whether it would be okay to enter into marital bliss with somebody who had brandished a knife and sliced him up with it. Really?! If you value your manhood whatsoever and don’t fancy being served up a unique twist on toad in the hole, I’d probably go with ‘no’.
The Guy With A Violent Hoover
Cue the opening title “Nobody gave me a lovebite…it was the hoover!” If this holds any truth to it, I dread to think what that guy was actually trying to accomplish with this hoover. Maybe the hoover did gain life, sprout arms and legs and then plant its big suction tube right onto the guy’s neck. Maybe we’re all too quick to judge. Maybe, even, a pig just flew right past my window.
The Man Who Can’t Spell
You know how it goes. Jeremy gets annoyed at the guests and shouts witty things at them, which are usually mocking their intelligence and/or lack of ability to use contraception. After asking “You, a Father? Can you even spell Father?” one man replied “F A R T H E R”. No words.
Spider Man
Remember the guest who looked like he had a spider plastered across his face, when in actual fact he’d just spent his benefit money on getting face tattoos? I wonder what it looks like when he ages. Something similar to a sagging horse’s backside quite probably.
The Guy Who Skipped Biology Classes
The caption at the bottom of the screen read “Your son can’t be mine because he’s ginger”. Apparently people with ginger hair are a completely different race of people. Perhaps if this man had paid for attention in Biology class and spent less time engaging in sexual activity with somebody who is a “second cousin” this issue would not have occurred.
The Man With A Letter On His Face
That’s right, a letter on his face. One male guest went onto the show to ask his girlfriend, “Why would I tattoo your initial on my face if I’d cheated?” I’m guessing that must be quite romantic in the Jeremy Kyle world? Let’s sit down and think about a way to show our commitment to each other. Shall we invest in a home together? No, that’s way too traditional. How about getting engaged? Snore, boring! Ah, I have it! I will tattoo your initial on my cheek, because that’s obviously where all of my love for you lies? Seriously, what?
The Woman Who Was Itching To Prove Herself
Caption: Amanda strongly denies having fleas. Speechless.