Ever wondered how many hours, how many days out of your life you spend watching pointless documentaries, researching celebrity gossip and just generally not achieving anything. Because I do, a lot. In fact I think I’m quite obsessive over it. An old friend even used to call me ‘Whirler’ because I could never sit still. There always needed to be a plan, new things for me to do, see and discover.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve always felt the need to be on the go. Whether it be travelling the world, going to the theatre, going for bike rides through beautiful countryside – these are things that make me feel alive. And when I don’t have the money to do these things I’m not content unless I’m being productive in some other area; charity work, Ebaying, blogging. My brain never seems to want to switch off, but then again why should it? I’m lucky enough to be placed on this earth, to be healthy and live in a good country, so I should embrace every aspect of it and all it has to offer otherwise I’m not living to my full potential.
But I’ve not been well the last six weeks, meaning I’ve had to concentrate on my health and taking each day as it comes. No plan and no energy. This has made me feel very lost and very impatient. It also doesn’t help that I’ve recently come out of education, which has been a priority in my life for the last 17 years and now I don’t know which way to turn. I know I’ve got an English degree behind me, followed by a diploma in Journalism, which is great but there are so many paths for me to take. I have so many interests and am scared to commit to just one. My fear and loathing of time wasting comes into it as I want to be sure that I’m spending my days in a job where I’m making a difference, learning about the world. It’s as if there’s a time bomb in my head and I feel such a rush to complete things, things which could almost be compiled into a ‘Bucket List’.
I forget I’m only 22 years old and with any luck, there’s plenty of time left for me to see the world, make positive changes and learn life skills. My mum blames herself for my itchy feet because she felt like she should be keeping me and my sisters constantly entertained, something she probably regrets now as I’m always trying to drag her around when she just wants to relax. Kids eh?
As I write this, I hope that there’s someone out there who doesn’t think I’m completely crazy and can relate to some of what I’ve said! Otherwise writing this may all have been a waste of time… (only joking).