Over the last year I have had to re-evaluate a close friendship. I ultimately decided it was making me feel unhappy so I had to let it go and let me tell you it sucks, it really does. I felt as if I had lost a limb. I kept picking up the phone to text or call then it hit me, I couldn’t do that anymore. In some ways losing a good friend is worse than losing a lover for it is often with your good friends you share your most intimate details and also with who you are your true self. They are ones who you think will always have your back… well as in my case that doesn’t always happen. Once I decided to walk away I realised I had to figure out a way to mourn the friendship if I was ever going to get over it.
REFLECTION: I learnt it is important to let it all out. I let myself be sad and angry and I cried when I needed to. Far more healthier out then in I thought. Once I felt calmer, I took a look back at the issues we had and made sure I understood why I had to let go. Sometimes you know exactly what the issues are maybe there is a betrayal, or the two of you have grown apart, but sometimes it might not be as clear to you. We human beings always need a reason why something is the way it is. When something is not clear cut, I think it is important to contemplate your role in the issue and you will find a resolution. I also tried to understand their side of the story because there was my perception of what went wrong but it was just that – my perception.
FORGIVENESS: It hurts because you love them so find it in your heart to forgive them. You might not forget what has transpired but to move on it is important to forgive and while you are at it forgive yourself. When I decided to let go of my friendship, I not only felt as if I have been kicked in the guts but I felt a little unlovable. I found by forgiving my now ex friend and my role in the downfall of the friendship and by being grateful for my life and the other people in it, I was able to get back to the loveable person I am.
DISTRACTION: If they were a good friend you would have spent a considerable amount of time with them, so it is important to fill that space. I found distracting myself other activities like yoga, meditation and hanging out with other friends in general helped me get over the acute hurt I was feeling.
TIME: As with most things in this life time helps to heal. I still think of my friend all the time but it hurts less now. In fact the other day, when I was remembering a particular fun night out during last year’s Olympics, I noticed I was smiling and I was able to look back at our friendship with pure love, so with that feeling in my heart I said a little prayer for my ex friend, wishing her abundance in happiness and love. Being able to that made my eyes well up, as I realised that I had finally been able to let go.
When losing a friendship it is important to learn from the experience of the loss and move on. Don’t look back. If you are lucky you still have others in your life who want to bask in your light. Focus on that love.