Handbag Hell

Who knew that a choice of handbag could cause merry hell?

As I keep finding out, choosing the wrong handbag in the morning can pretty much ruin my day. Even though the inside of my handbag looks like the extension of my bedroom and some bags are only big enough for a lipstick and a tenner at best, some wrong’un will be all over it given half the chance.



I have one of these beauties and I love it, despite a barrage of abuse (“Are you Victorian?”, “Which orphanage were YOU evacuated from?) which I obviously ignore. The attraction to this type of bag is clear to me: its pop-out easy access clasp is easy to use on a night out after a few shandies and valuables can be taken with very little effort and without attention being brought to it. Er……?


Drawstring Backpack

The drawstring part is the most attractive negative element to this bag as the strings can be loosened with zero effort, especially from behind in a packed carriage. I would wager that even the most amateur thief can successfully lift from one. I personally don’t know who would have this bag anyway – it’s a walking nightmare. I practically had somebody hanging off me on the tube while wearing it.



Admittedly, nobody can get into this small number without the owner noticing but set it down on a seat on the tube during a spirit-infused forty winks and it’ll be gone faster than the lights came on at the club.


Shopping Bag

The aptly named “Bag for Life”; these types of bags come in various prints (that scream PMT purchase) and are handy for carrying the bare inessentials  However, these have handles that can be cut by capable thieves without causing any chaos. At festivals especially, long-handled bags are a risk: jump up-and-down and let that crafty thief cut the bag straps to ribbons. Quickest way to get a new iPhone for them, fastest way to an absent £579 phone and a ruined weekend for you.

(Satisfying the uncontrollable urge to put a cat among the pigeons and will state that people are idiots, IDIOTS, for taking a brand-new iPhone to a festival, for more reasons than one….. just saying.)


Final thoughts: I may have used alcohol for the most part of the story, but it’s not doubt that it’s a huge distraction. Meanwhile, the sober, day-to-day commuters are just at risk. While there is generally any type of bag that a pickpocket will not have a go, some just ask for trouble. For ultimate safety, hold your phone in your hand tightly in your pocket, and keep your wits about yourself when in busy environments! Or, just get a bumbag.

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