And what’s so wrong with being independent?

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return” boy oh boy, I love Moulin Rouge, in fact, I would definitely say that Moulin Rouge is one of my favourite films. As is The Notebook, Titanic, Grease, Dirty Dancing, When Harry met Sally, and oh God, I can’t forget about Beauty and the Beast! Did I mention that Sex and the City is one of my favourite TV programmes?

From a young age it is constantly drummed into our heads that to ultimately be successful in life we MUST find a partner. According to films, books, television shows and more, we can only ever truly get our ‘happy ending’ if we find a significant other to share our life with. I mean, how can we think any differently when we have the likes of Rose Dawson, Allie Calhoun, Carrie Bradshaw and Cinderella to look up to and aspire towards.

Don’t get me wrong, I am far from cynical. No, not cynical at all, in fact if Prince Charming turned up at my house tomorrow with my lost glass slipper i’d be out in his horse drawn carriage before he got a chance to put the darn thing on my foot. I have spent my whole life being open to love and probably fallen for and devoted myself to men (or should I say boys) far too easily, but that doesn’t mean I would ever settle for an ass hole, or someone I felt I had to ‘tip-toe’ around to keep happy. Nope, this single gal would rather be single forever. I think.

I have formed a recent consensus that women, especially older women, are petrified of being alone, and I want to know why. Why is it that they are willing to compromise their happiness; their lives; their sense of control, all to keep a man happy? I don’t care what Walt Disney has taught us, surely no one can think a controlled life with a man is better than a free one without! But unfortunately, and sadly, there are those who’s lives are that dull, that miserable, that a man is just needed, controlling or otherwise. To be honest, I don’t agree with what I have just written, not one bit, because I don’t think anyone’s lives are like that, and besides, life is what you make it! People are just too scared to find out what they are capable of, when really we are all intellectual and interesting in one way or another!

The woman who will miss their friends party because they don’t want to piss their boyfriend off; the one who stops watching telly at 5 on the dot so they don’t run the risk of angering him by dominating the lounge when he comes home from work; the one who has dinner ready at half 7 every evening, because God forbid it’s a minute late. Come on ladies, what are you so scared of? And are you truly happier like this? I mean screw him, can’t he make dinner once in a while? Banish the thought…

And I know what the fear is, it’s ‘loneliness’. Because obviously if we don’t have a man in our lives, it means we don’t have anyone and we’re alone. And listen, I am all for the wannabe housewife, the one who wants to dedicate her life to pandering to her husband and children, hell I could end up being one of those women! The only thing I have a problem with is this ‘fear’ of being on your own, and as said, compromising your own life to please that of another’s.

I am a very firm believer in the saying; you have to be independent before you can be dependant, because that way you will enjoy your relationships 100% because you are living without that fear of being alone, because you know what? Being alone aint all that bad. So go out, get yourself some hobbies, get a good job, get a social life. Go all Destiny’s Child on his ass and holla how “you bought it”. Hey, I’m no feminist but I do respect female independence. And I don’t wanna hear all this “ooh i’m too old for all that now” because that is just bull. If you are determined and interested enough you can do whatever you want to do; it just aint gonna happen overnight. At the beginning of this year I realised I had no hobbies, and by the end of it I’ll have three. Morocco surfing here I come! Ok ok I know I’m only 21 so it’s a bit different, but the point I’m trying to make is you can make a change.

And on a final note ladies, don’t forget most men are pretty black and white and actually couldn’t give two shits if you go get drunk with your gal pals. I am woman, hear me roar. Now in the famous words of Samantha Jones “I love you, but I love me more,” she don’t need a man to keep her happy…

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