Entertainment

Unfortunate Namesakes

Katy Perry Firework

It was back in 2009 that I found the inspiration to write this article when a phone conversation between myself and a taxi company happened. It went something like this:

 

Taxi Man: That’s fine. What name is it please?

Me: Laura Hindley

Taxi Man: [long pause] Sorry?

Me: Laura Hindley

Taxi Man: [even longer pause] [stutter] [stammer] M… Myra Hindley?

 

That’s right. I share my surname with a woman who was found guilty of murdering children, along with her accomplice Ian Brady. Now, usually I would have played along with this and humoured the man but that wasn’t the first time I’ve been mistaken for a relative of “the devil”. I remember wearing my University Drama Society Hoodie in Euston station, minding my own business and deciding which chocolate bar to scoff on my train home and the shopkeeper asked “Are you related to Myra?” This used to happen so often that I genuinely started to believe that I may resemble her in looks somehow. I mean, I’m from Manchester. So was she. I have a tendency to fancy gay men. So did she because you’re not telling me that Ian Brady was even remotely straight. This got me thinking about other people who share the same name, hence the reason for this article.

 

Michelle Williams

If there are any Michelle Williams in the house, throw your hands up at me! If you don’t understand that reference, then shame on you. The first person who goes by the name of Michelle Williams is one member of the greatest girl group to exist. Destiny’s Child. She may be the one who softly wails in the background and looks more like a backing dancer/tree silently swaying along but technically, she is one of Beyonce’s mandem. That automatically makes her cool. The other Michelle Williams holds much more of a stage presence, with her long list of film roles including Marilyn Monroe. Although she more or less started her career in what one could argue to be a show with the worst acting performances ever, Dawsons Creek, (don’t shout at me!) this Michelle Williams has grown considerably as an actress. If this namesake is unfortunate for anybody, I’d definitely say the woman who married the legend that is Heath Ledger (and produced a child who is inevitably going to be cool) should cringe knowing that she has to share her name with a “singer” who could easily pass as a bit of shrubbery in the back of Bey’s garden.

 

Kate Hudson

We all know Kate Hudson. Best known, in my opinion, for portraying a borderline psychotic female in ‘How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days’ and having an unquenchable thirst for musicians: she was married to the frontman of ‘The Black Crowes’ and has a child with Matt Bellamy from ‘Muse’. It’s no wonder that pop starlet Katy Hudson, who you now know as Katy Perry, decided to change her stage name. To avoid confusion over why ‘the sexy woman from the film with that ripped yet sleazy Matthew McConaughey guy in’ had decided to embark upon a music career, this was a wise move. Not only has Katy Perry sold millions of records worldwide, she’s had a string of (unsuccessful) relationships with Justin York, Matt Thiessen, Johnny Lewis, Travie McCoy, Russell Brand and John Mayer. Not bad going for a woman judged to be a ‘devil child’ by her own Father, Pastor Keith Hudson. All in all, this unfortunate namesake turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to Miss Perry. Had she not been motivated to alter her stage persona, she may not have been as famous as she is today. And what world is worth living in if Katy Perry doesn’t release videos that show fireworks shooting out of her boobs?

 

One Direction

One Direction *screams*. That’s pretty much the reaction amongst teenage girls across the globe when they hear those two words. Harry, Zayn, Louis, Sneezey, Grumpy, Dopey and Bashful. The young men who cause girls to melt into a puddle on the floor, all by flashing their dashing smiles. Crazy, huh? It’s quite surprising to know that these two words were actually used by another band. I think they were a bit peeved to not have a screaming harem, as they decided to sue the UK heartthrobs for $1 million. The lawsuit was settled in 2012, with the American band agreeing to change their name. Whilst all press is good press, I can’t help but think the newly named ‘Unchartered Shores’ have damaged their reputation a tad. This unfortunate namesake, and the subsequent lawsuit they lost, have made them look like fame-hungry/money-grabbing chancers who were trying to cash in on the success of Harry and his backing group.

 

James Bond

I actually know of a few people with the name Bond, James Bond. No, I’m not talking about Roger Moore, George Lazenby, Pierce Brosnan and the rest. I’m talking about real people. How irritating must it be to be asked if you want your drink ‘shaken, not stirred?’ every time you frequent bars with friends and acquaintances? Very, I’d imagine. Not to mention the amount of failed relationships you’d have, solely because the women expect to be romanced into the silk sheets of your bachelor pad. Half expecting to hear “I always enjoyed learning a new tongue” (Tomorrow Never Dies) silkily slip out of your mouth after a night of passion, they break up with you within minutes of you saying “That was good. Fancy a bacon buttie?” Disappointment. Having the name James Bond is only going to plague your life with disappointment, all because women put their faith in movies. I mean, how many women STILL think there’s a chance of them being with somebody who is the exact replica of Mark Darcy? Exactly.

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