Until leaving university, I’d conveniently managed to avoid having any real kind of ‘commute’ to any of the jobs I’d had. The furthest I’d got to commuting was hopping on a short bus ride. But now, as a seasoned intern, I have worked in all areas of London, and as such, it is only now that I can truly understand how awful this phenomenon of the commute is. There are endless reasons why the commute is unpleasant – overly hot tube carriages, trains running late, not to mention the fact that you are essentially stuck spending about two hours of your day underground. But, it’s also clear that there are a set of unspoken rules – TFL etiquette if you will – which only makes things even more complicated.

1. Which Seat Do I Take?

Travelling at rush hour means being packed into tube carriages like a can of sardines. Consequently, seats on the tube become a hot commodity. But there’s a hierarchy as to who gets these seats. Understandably, the elderly get first dibs. Then there’s pregnant women – which in itself is a whole other dilemma as, unless they are sporting one of those handy ‘baby on board’ badges, you often find yourself in a situation where you may or may not be offering your seat to someone who has simply a bit plump and is not in fact pregnant, leaving yourself seat-less for no reason and offending them in the process – though at least they have a seat.

Then there’s the whole gender thing. It’s seems to be an unwritten rule that if a seat becomes available, and it’s a choice between an equally-abled man and woman, the woman gets priority. Nice to know chivalry is still alive I guess but it’s a bit odd if you think about it.

Basically what it amounts to is there’s a whole lot of seat politics when travelling on the tube, and quite frankly, it makes me want to just stand up instead and be done with it all.

2. The Beauty Parlour

I feel I may divide people on the issue of doing your make up on public transport.

When I was younger (before reaching the wise old age of 22), I always thought it was a bit ridiculous – surely they had time to do this at home?

But, fast forward a few years later to many lengthy commutes and early starts, and I too have joined the brigade of women who (sometimes) do their make up on public transport. I mean, I would only do it if I have enough space to myself, so really it shouldn’t bother anyone. Though I was on the bus other day and a woman in front of me was painting her nails, which I thought made my cheeky mascara application pale in insignificance by comparison.

3. Public Displays of Affection

In my opinion, PDA is always a bit of a faux pas – but where it is least appropriate has to be on the tube. I once had to sit through a whole journey sitting opposite a couple who were almost on top of each other, not to mention the fact that it was about 11am and they were middle-aged and married. Not that being young and drunk is any better but it’s at least a little more understandable.

In fact, it’s not. PDA: just don’t do it. Please.

4. Be Prepared

God forbid if you’re one of those people who fumble for their Oyster card only as you step onto the bus or approach the ticket barrier – you’re setting yourself up for a whole world of pain (in the form of everyone around you tutting angrily). And if you get that deadly ‘seek assistance’ message, just back away quickly, for everyone’s sake.

5. Please Walk On The Left And Stand On The Right

Okay this isn’t unwritten, but it might as well be for the amount of people who flatly ignore it. As someone who favours walking (on the left) as opposed to standing (on the right), it really irks me when one person decides to just plonk themselves in the clearly designated ‘walking’ aisle while decidedly doing what can only be described as standing, meaning everyone else has to follow suit.

All in all, it’s no wonder no one wants to talk to each other on the tube, it’s enough to just get through the journey without committing one of these unwritten crimes, let alone bringing actual communication into it!