By Charlotte Jones.
Do you ever find yourself saying: ‘yes, yes, yes!’ And no I’m not referring to you in the shower reenacting the classic Herbal Essences advert, rather asking, do you find it hard to say no?
Have you ever thought you’re a human pie chart? (thought not), but you dedicate 90% of your time to everyone else and only 10% to yourself. Do you worry that you can’t split your time between everybody? If you have answered yes, you may well be a people pleaser and you’re not alone. Many people struggle to say no, because they’re afraid of hurting people’s feelings. People pleasers are more concerned of everyone else, than themselves and their wellbeing.
Kate Snowdon, a student from Hertfordshire, admits she is a people pleaser, she said: ‘In my previous job I stayed to clean the cafe most days without pay. I have worked so many extra hours and even a whole weekend after I had left a job, because I couldn’t say no.’
She added: ‘I suppose it comes from wanting to be a good employer/student/friend, wanting to be seen as reliable, hoping it will be noted and I will get recognition or reward eventually. I’m pretty much like it in all areas of life. I don’t tend to sleep or rest much!’
People pleasing stems from the fear of being disliked, worry that your friends will forget you, or your boyfriend will be annoyed, and concern your family never sees you. This worrying is delusional, because quite frankly, none of it is true. The people closest to you are the one’s who should understand the most, if you have to say no.
It is mandatory you say yes, when you’re on a work experience placement, it will show your hard-working or your best friend has just called you and she is hysterically upset.
But this is the question you must ask yourself. Which fear is greater? Not pleasing everyone else, or never pleasing yourself? It’s your life, you must do as you please and be happy. Do you find it hard to say no? Let us know below?