I don’t really think the world is going to end at the end of 2012, but even if it did, how would we know? How would anyone know in later years, when the bacterium begins to grow and evolve until it is human once more, that the Mayan predictions were right? Would the process then happen again and the next 2012 will do the same thing? My mind is blown.

After watching films such as the Day After Tomorrow and any film with some form of zombie take over, you do begin to question how you would survive in a world falling apart or live in a post-apocalyptic one. Could you fire a gun at someone trying to steal your food? Would you be able to chop of your neighbour’s head if they were trying to eat you? It’s deep stuff. I think after watching many films I would be quite well equipped to deal with what zombies could throw at me and if I had to create a doomsday 2012 survival guide it would read as follows:

[Just for context, and to prevent the people picking holes in my genius theories, the world has not been blown up, the weather has become extreme and wiped out a large majority of the population but not everyone. There are a few zombies running around here and there. Think of a Hollywood style apocalypse if you will. How ideal.]

1.  Set up camp in a logical place. My logical place would be in a tall tree, on a hill, near the sea. The tree would give me safety from wild dogs and mean people whilst also giving me the ability to see potential predators and or threats coming. The hill would serve the same purpose as well as keeping me safe from flooding. The sea is part of a later plan.

2. Set up the fort. So once you have yourself a good spot, it is about protecting that spot, and yourself, and having to leave it as little as possible. Comfort would be good but it isn’t key, so don’t break your back making a bed, make a sling shot and wooden sharp things instead.

3. Pick the people you would survive with. I recommend a male-female combination but sometimes you can’t be picky, especially considering the apocalypse state of the planet. Only one other though, you know three is a crowd and four might cause weight issues with the tree.

4. Food and drink. Now this is where the sea comes in. Assuming that the population of fish is ok then you can have fish. If they have been wiped out too then you will be eating grass, leaves and trees – lucky you. Get your water from the sea and then using the evaporation and condensation process you can get water and then salt to put on your tasteless garden salad. Voila! Or if you have been preparing for the past year then you can use all the canned goods.

5. Clothing. If I were you, when you have finished reading this I would go and pack a back pack – not a handbag, this is not a fashion show, this is life or death people – just in case. When you are screaming and fleeing from your home you can grab the bag and go. If you are going to ignore my useful advice then at the very least grab a coat and scarf. In the bag you should pack: warm socks and normal socks, two pairs of gloves, shorts, vests, a long sleeved jumper or top, shoes that are good for running away from zombies, lots of hair bands or elastic bands and a few spare pairs of undies wouldn’t hurt. You can wash all of this is the conveniently located sea. How ironic, as a female, that the longest paragraph in my guide to living in a destroyed world is about clothes. Priorities.

6. Weapons. I don’t think I could actually use them, but that doesn’t mean your partner won’t – if you have chosen well enough. In the bag I would also put a hammer. Not only does it help with building the fort but I’m sure it would hurt if it was embedded in someone’s skull.

7. Dealing with illness and disease. Also in the back whack in a couple of boxes of ibuprofen and Savlon, maybe some bandages but you could always make those when you are a survival pro.

So there you have it, surviving the end of the world as we know it. But it’s ok because if the world is going to be hit with hundreds of thousands of meteoroids or self implode we’re all going to die anyway. Have a good day.