7 annoying things about Facebook

Facebook has been a staple of western internet culture for a while now. Speaking for myself I instinctively sign in every time I go near a computer, whether I really want to or not, and I’m sure millions do the same.

Aside from the fact Mr Zuckerberg merrily flogs our personal information and browser search history to third parties all over the world, you know what really annoys me about Facebook? The people who use it. Like seemingly everywhere in the real world, the worst thing about Facebook is the people who inhabit it. Below is a collection of face-punchingly irritating things about the world’s biggest social media site.


Groups demanding soldiers be paid the same wages as professional athletes

You’ve seen this before, presumably posted by one of your Neanderthal friends who now serves food on a tray or gardening appliances for a living, and perhaps you have even liked the post. If you have, you are a moron.

Premier League footballers get paid quite a lot of money in case you haven’t noticed, while certain officers in the army (i.e. the ones who aren’t adequately educated to receive a decent wage), receive not an awful lot. The solution? Swap wage structures of course. I have two responses to this idea: why and how?

Anybody who has the most basic conception of economics understands this doesn’t work: There are many, many people in the army earning below £20,000 a year, whereas the number of professional athletes in the UK who receive over £100,000 a year is comparatively very, very small. Ipso facto, to give every soldier such wages would bankrupt the country inside a month. Certain footballers receive high incomes for a reason: because clubs can afford to. It’s not even public money being used to pay them. Soldiers on the other hand get their money from the tax payers’ pocket. You want to see private dipsh*t on £50,000 a week? Get ready for the biggest tax hike in history.


Groups that bemoan injustices which probably never happened

I saw an image shared on Facebook a few months ago which bemoaned a Muslim family receiving millions in housing benefits, while other people, (funnily enough all of whom white) were left to suffer homelessness and disability without any help from the state.

Now I know certain national newspapers peddle this reactionary, biased and deliberately provocative nonsense on a daily basis, but the idea the state is for some reason hell-bent on pandering to certain ethnic and religious minorities (I.e. just Muslim people) just to upset and deprive every white person living in the UK has always baffled me. Invariably it is a thinly veiled racist agenda that is being pursued.

Along similar lines are tall tales of ‘political correctness gone mad’ and social injustice. Many of these are tidily presented with low resolution images plucked from Google and vague figures presumably obtained from the national office of made-up twaddle. I’m not entirely sure how or why such unsubstantiated garbage is allowed to pass as fact on social media, but this kind of thing is not exclusive to Facebook. You see similar things shared on Twitter. You know what the common denominator is in both situations? Thick people.


People who post viral videos two weeks after they were popular

Are you new to the internet or what? I know I sound like a chronic m*sturbator from 4chan saying this but, come on at least try and keep up, yeah?


People who think their job/ course/ life is much more difficult than anybody else’s

As much as I love your update for its self-indulgence, lack of self-awareness and sheer narcissism, perhaps next time you could not bother.


People who use hashtags in updates

You, my friend, are on the wrong website.


The idea that ‘liking’ a page is actually contributing to a charitable cause

It’s not.


People who moan about how annoying other people are on Facebook


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