Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems – A Student Loan Groan

“Mo Money, Mo problems”, words preached by the lyrical genius that is the Notorious B.I.G. It is also a phrase that seemed apt for my outlook on life after the initial euphoric glee that came from looking at my online banking on that wondrous day of the student loan.

I know some non-students reading this will want to be screaming in my face ‘Well it’s my bloody tax that’s paying for your excessive white ace consumption’, and to them I express my sincerest thanks. For the record, I am hopeful to actually pay it off, give me a chance. What I really want to highlight is that the most recent and last of the academic year’s loan really isn’t all roses and gravy.

Yes, sure. At the outset it does alleviate those crushing money worries that plague the young student, it also allows us to treat ourselves to the non-value aisles in the supermarket to sample the glorious meat that is 100% what it should be. I have no shame in saying also it also gives me the chance to enjoy those lovely vices in life that takes the edge of the stress that looming deadlines bring, yes I’m talking about getting sh*tfaced drunk. Yet, I still found myself less than positive than what is to come in the pending break of my university studies. The issue is that we have to continue to live in our places of study for a further five months clasping onto every penny that was loaned to us from that point. It’s madness, and unless you have watched every single daytime-television programme on money saving tips, it’s going to be a long, difficult and painful process.

I can see the situation now. I just finished my final assessment, BOOM. I celebrate with a no bars held week of drinking and debauchery. I then wake up to the literal head grinding hangover and the metaphorical waking up to the fact I’m down to my last funds of my overdraft and the next loan comes in October, five months’ time. To which up and till that day, I have to live, eat, clean and pretend that everything is just going all okay. Cue, my shopping list; noodles, noodles, noodles. My noodle consumption is set to surpass all human recognition of acceptable eating habits. However, at 17p a packet, it’s hard to say no. Hygiene supplies may need to be rationed. No over spraying of deodorant, economy shower gel and purchasing toilet paper of such thinness the riskiness of wiping makes every sh*t a nerve-wracking ordeal. Then there’s rent. Fellow London students will especially feel my pain with this one. Rent day is a sad day, without a doubt. Moreover, there is going to be number of these devastating blows to the ol’ bank account in the time to pass. I’m stuck in a contract and there’s no escaping, leaving me to deal with the curse of hindsight wishing I had found a place much earlier in the previous year. Don’t even get me started on bills.

Rant over; it’s a situation that we students are going to have to face. Leaving me wondering surely there is a more logical way of doing things. It’s going to be tough, but I’ll have fun doing it. Stay strong padawans, and remember to triple fold.

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