We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together!!

Why do we get so excited when we hear that bands are reforming? Why do we get nostalgic for groups that produced such cheesy music and were responsible for so many of our fashion mistakes? Why don’t we just celebrate the music that’s around today and take Taylor Swift’s advice about ‘Never Ever Getting Back Together’. I think we have forgotten how terrible some bands were and why they were forced to split up in the first place. I have to confess that I was mesmerised, emotional and excited when ITV2 ran their fly-on-the-wall series The Big Reunion even though I never bought one record from any of the acts hoping to resurrect their pop careers. The series hoped to rekindle interest in pop groups such as Atomic Kitten, 5ive, 911 and some others I cant really remember. I think I must’ve been suffering from music amnesia as I had no interest in any of these groups ten years ago, yet here I was being sucked in to all their stories. I laughed when they laughed, cried when they described their tales of broken dreams, the highs and the lows and the fist fights. All I wanted was to see them all make up and start touring again. Friends had to rugby tackle the credit card out of my hands before I could book concert tickets because I was so desperate to ‘Slam Dunk (Da Funk)’ with 5ive, even if I didn’t have a clue what that entailed.

I soon came back to reality and thought about it, and the price of concert tickets. Was I willing to fund Kerry Katona’s beef curry habit now she has to pay at Iceland? Or 911’s imminent medical bill? Every time I watch them ‘Bodyshakin’ I feel compelled to dial 999 as they look like they are in distress and need resuscitating. Surely they got the raw end of the deal with having to do all that back flipping! Who really wants to be getting up and down like that at 40? I bet Westlife are having the last laugh now. How we laughed at their attachment to their chairs, but at least if they get the call the most energetic thing they have to do is sit down and sway. Liberty X are back too, but the sight of all those middle-aged women jumping about in leather catsuits just has me crossing my legs, reaching for the Tena Lady! And if one member out of the band 5ive can’t even be bothered to show up, can I?

I pondered further, I would happily welcome back iconic bands with real anthems such as Oasis or The Smiths. If bands do reunite, I want to see the bands that furnished me with the soundtrack of my youth and provided songs that are still as beautiful now as when I first heard them. I can’t even remember one song from the band Honeyz and I don’t actually want to. I’m sure The Big Reunion is an enjoyable ‘Night to remember’, but I’m going to forget chasing the past, ditch the double denim and cancel the Irish dancing lessons. I think I’m going to take advice from the wise women of B*WITCHED and ‘get a life..’……

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