If I won the lottery..

Who said make belief has to stop when you’re a toddler? Close your eyes and drift with me for a second…

Many a weekend I’ve seen and heard people declare the statement ‘If I won the lottery…‘ as they frantically etch those lucky numbers on to the scratch card. Often, I’ve joined them because nothing lifts ones mood like the prospects of winning a ridiculous amount of money, for just guessing.

The easiest way to make ludicrous amount of money without doing much and to be honest who wouldn’t want that? When we have people like Hector Riva on our screens, who is actually an actor, selling us dreams. Fancy yachts, holiday home in the serene part of Italy and an endless amount of pesos in the old dried up, hog-tied, recession infested waters you call a bank account.

Unlike the idiot garbage man in the past, who won the jackpot, gambled, spent all of his winnings on drugs,women etc then later reverted back to his job as a garbage man, I hope to be wiser. I know money has no common sense but essentially here are the top 5 things I would do if I was to win the jackpot –


Family & Friends – I’m African, so I probably won’t get a choice in sharing but because I am generally a nice person, I would take care of everyone I deem family and friends. If you think you can pop up, claiming to be my blood, my brothers best friend’s cousin, don’t you remember me? No, sadly I don’t. Next!


Invest – Real Estate or Business. It only makes sense, you will be surprised how fast money leaves your hands when your expenditures become lavish. Find a good neighbourhood and invest the hell out of it, build houses and rent them out. Also buy a share in a profiting business; Yuppee Magazine watch out. It’s a solid investment for the future but that being said keep an eye on that accountant who thinks you won’t notice a few hundred thousand going missing. Yes, being rich may make you suspicious, paranoid and lonely.


Donation – Not to feed my ego but because it is the right thing to do, give to the less fortunate. I’m talking youth programs, legitimate churches in the UK and Africa, these are my roots after all. I wouldn’t want places or monuments built after me because come on, that’s how it begins. Remember, pride comes before the fall. Also if it came that easily, it can all be taken away too.


Lifestyle – I’d probably relocate, a villa in Tuscany, sipping wine, reading, writing and tending the rabbits like dear old Lennie from Steinbeck’s famous novel. I’d be my own boss, answering to no one but God and my wife. Own a few estates, few luxury cars and escape the general hustle bustle of life as everyone knew it.


Write a will – If you don’t know how to spend your money wisely when you’re alive, someone will spend it for you when you’re dead. Now I’m not saying anticipate your early demise, I’m just saying be logical, parachuting, hand-gliding and Hangover 3 like experiences may incur an ‘accident’. I did say paranoia will set in when you’re rich. Jokes aside, do it for your future kids, family whatever, put something aside so they get a head start.


Those are my 5, take heed or you can just spend it all like the garbage man, Ciroc filled parties, VIP club appearances and women of the night.

See I said it was fun to pretend didn’t I? Don’t you feel better? How would you spend your millions?

The reality however would be a £10 win, if that is the case the most you’ll get out of me would be a piece from the KFC bucket meal, if I like you – excuse the stereotype but I do love my chicken.

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