We all know how exciting that first thrill of initial attraction can be. However, sometimes it can be difficult to see past our raging hormones in order to honestly assess our levels of compatibility with a new partner.
Although they can involve high levels of physical attraction, real connections aren’t about the beautiful ocean blue of your partner’s eyes or their amazingly hot bod. They’re about two people who truly understand and respect one another.
If you’re looking for a real connection rather than a fun fling, you’ll need to know how to really get to know someone, without turning your dates into tedious interview sessions.
How to find out answers to important questions early on
You’ll probably already know that bringing up the big issues during the early stages of dating a new partner is a sure-fire passion killer. A better way to glean information about your date’s views, beliefs and hopes for the future is to relate stories, or perhaps talk about news articles, that will allow your date to volunteer their own thoughts.
If you want to know whether your date is a liberal or a conservative, for example, light-heartedly bring up a related news story without giving your own opinion on the matter. The conversation doesn’t have to turn into a heated political debate; you should be able to tell what their general opinion is even from a quick throw-away remark.
Making sure you’re compatible
Dr Neil Clark Warren, founder of the science-based dating website eHarmony, counselled couples for over 35 years before coming to an important conclusion: having certain core traits, values, and beliefs in common is what keeps couples together, rather than chemistry or even a shared sense of humour.
So, while you may have a great time with your date, if you don’t share deeper beliefs or life goals, you’re unlikely to be compatible in the long run.
Genuine communication doesn’t have to be overly-serious and certainly doesn’t involve sharing your entire life history with someone you’ve just met. It’s a simple matter of listening attentively and engaging honestly. But if you want to know if you really are compatible as a couple, you’ll need to know which issues to bring up.
Knowing what questions are important to you
We all have a unique set of views and beliefs that make us who we are. Think about how you define yourself and look for those same traits in any potential partner.
If you’re deeply religious, for example, it’s unlikely that a partnership with an atheist would be successful. If you have a religion but don’t practice and don’t feel all that strongly about it, then it could.
Look past your own surface attributes to the core of who you really are. The person who is most compatible with you will be all of those things at heart too.