My favourite Christmas movie of all time is probably Four Christmases, with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon who play a couple who have to unfortunately attend the four Christmases of their divorced parents. Given that description, one can imagine the unfavourable situations which unfold. It makes for good comedy; my favourite scene is one where a nativity play takes place at a church. The hilarity is in the very obvious slating of the over-commercialised bright lights and loud music churches have become to reel in the lost, by overcompensating in their means to remain “relevant”.
I could have easily made this a list of the greatest Christmas movies we have seen, but there is no fun in that. Also, I hate disputing over which movie is greater because all Christmas movies give you that warm fuzzy feeling. Therefore, in the spirit of Christmas and for the sake of keeping the peace, all Christmas movies are winners.
Behold my list of the top ten greatest Christmas movies you HAVE NOT seen yet. Do not judge too quickly; let these golden nugget ideas grow on you. Besides, this is just for a good laugh.
10. Christmas Horror Movie: Scream 5
I was just going to label this as Christmas Horror Movie, but there are many other Christmas horror movies which exist. After the Scream film series reboot in 2011, it is about time for a new release and a Christmas edition would be fitting to keep things fresh. The bad guy trades his/her Grim Reaper/Ghostface outfit for a Santa Claus one (because his/her killing spree is obviously happening around the festive season for plot and setting purposes). Think of a bloodied, limping Santa with a dagger, killing people (that is to say, all Sidney’s friends except Sidney). Also, how creepy would an empty “ Ho Ho Ho” sound at the other end of the phone line?
9. Christmas Apocalypse Movie
Imagine a world where parents did not lie and Santa Claus was real. Now imagine that parents had to lie and tell us Santa Claus did not exist to hide the fact that he was really a top government secret. If people believed he existed, presents would explode and it would be the end of the world as we know it. Or, we could just have an apocalyptic movie which takes place during Christmas time, like Iron Man 3 (who of you also only realised halfway through the movie that those events were taking place around Christmas time?).
8. Christmas ‘Cake Boss’ Documentary
This is not a movie, but think of it as Justin Bieber’s 3D concert movie which was released in cinemas. The documentary centres on Buddy’s next challenge, which could end up in the Guinness World Book of Records if it is successful. So, he has to bake a 10 metre tall, Christmas Tree cake, with edible decorations and working fairy lights (to give it that technological edge). Also, throw in some Valastro family drama to keep us glued to our screens, for when watching bakers rolling fondant becomes too dreary. And at the end of it all- total foodgasm.
7. Christmas Movie with Jack Nicholson
Okay, stay with me on this one. Jack Nicholson plays Melvin Udall, a misanthropic, obsessive compulsive novelist, of Christmas stories. He currently hit a rough patch in his writing and cannot find inspiration for his new novel, because he has written everything he could possibly write about Christmas. Enter gay neighbour, whose dog he reluctantly has to look after (because he is a homophobe) and Helen Hunt who is a love interest, oblivious of his feelings (because Melvin is uncertain of his own feelings for her too). Long story short, after warming up to the idea of taking care of his gay neighbour’s dog; he works through his homophobia, indirectly declares his love for Helen Hunt by paying for her asthmatic son’s medical expenses, he develops the true Christmas spirit and subsequently draws inspiration for a new novel. That is as good as it gets, I bet you never saw it coming.
6. Star Wars Christmas Movie
Okay, this is a crap idea. They do not even celebrate Christmas in space. Or maybe they do and we just have not shot the footage yet- HA!
5. Sport Christmas Movie
Remember how awesome ‘Cool Runnings’ was? This is a case of “we want another one, just like the other one”, only better!
4. Mr. Bean Christmas Movie
We all watched the Merry Christmas Mr. Bean episode. There have been reruns of it since 1992. This time, we follow Mr Bean through a full length feature film, packed with laughs. Come on, you know you would prebook tickets just to watch Rowan Atkinson drive a green Mini and create the illusion of snapping a teddy bear’s neck every time he goes to bed.
3. Despicable Me Christmas Movie
Need I say more? Santa Claus did not deliver presents and Gru’s girls have lost their faith in Christmas. In an attempt to fix things he builds a time machine and travels back in time to the North Pole, to discover the truth behind Santa’s absence. He ends up saving Santa from a villain who held him captive and prevented him from delivering the toys originally. Then Gru travels to the present, and finds his girls opening their presents, and their joy is indeed a present in itself for Gru. (okay, we will leave it to Universal to develop a better story line).
2. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Christmas Movie
It is about time this show had a reunion, and a movie would be the ideal arrangement. It is Christmas time and the Banks family reunite with their favourite nephew from West Philly. (By now I have learnt not to ruin a good idea, so I am purposely leaving blanks for some big time producer i.e. Quincy Jones, to pick up the story).
1. Christmas movie with Johnny Depp as Santa Claus
But of course this would be the greatest Christmas movie we have not watched yet. Edward Scissorhands, Willy Wonka, Sweeney Todd, Jack Sparrow, the Mad Hatter; Johnny Depp’s resume’ of the characters he has brought to life is beyond impressive. One can only wait to see how he recreates an eerie image of Santa Claus. Will he be a skinny? Monstrous? Or even a woman? Whatever happens- he better team up with Tim Burton for this one.
