Break-up has the power to destroy or sublimate a person. Clifford Nass, sociologist at the Stanford University, said: “It’s always been hard to break up with someone face to face, but lack of social skills makes it harder.”

How to break up becomes the new topic.

Here are some rules for breaking up.

• Do not trick your partner to be the wrongdoer

If you think it’s time to make a change to set you both free as you and your partner are heading to different paths, tell him/her your honest thought. Don’t act aloof or pick holes. Buck-passing is a contemptible act. If your partner doesn’t realise it, they will start to question and criticise themselves: Did I do something wrong? Am I a failure? These could furthermore develop into self-doubt, which will cast a shadow for the rest of their lives.

• Break up with them in person

Face-to-face communication has an effect of consolation as the listener can see the body language and perceive that though it didn’t work out they are still worth to be loved.

Pat your partner’s shoulder and express gratitude for their love. Tell your partner that he/she is a wonderful person, and you are lucky to have had him/her.

Any other way of breaking up will send your partner a message that they don’t matter. Some people think breaking up through texts, social media or via email will cause less hurt than bringing it up to their partners’ faces; but it’s the opposite. Remote communication will leave the recipient emotional trauma: when you don’t have an explanation, you will spend a great deal of time trying to figure out what you have done wrong, which can turn into obsession and result in depression. Neurologist John T. Cacioppo, of The University of Chicago, said, lack of direct contact, break-up will be extremely hurtful and obstruct the future relationship.

• Preserve their dignity when breaking up

Both parties are likely to get emotional on the occasion. Whether you are the one who want to split up or not, you should watch your mouth – not to blurt out harsh words.

You can tell them you don’t love them anymore, but things like “you are bad in bed” should be best remain unrevealed.

On the other hand, do not take all the blame as well, as it can’t be true, therefore will make your partner feel that you don’t really care, just want it to be over as soon as possible. “You have an obligation to watch out for the other person’s self-esteem”, says Philosopher John Portman at The University of Virginia, “Do not cut them down in such a way that it’s impossible for them to have another successful relationship. Why rub salt in their wounds? That’s torture.”

You should be honest with them about why you don’t want to continue. You can reminisce the happy time you spent together with your partner, and say you feel it’s a shame that you can’t fulfill their dreams. This way they will feel their value is recognised.

Roy Baumeister, psychologist of The University of Florida, advised lovers to say “You are not what I’m looking for” when breaking up. “That doesn’t imply that there’s something wrong or deficient about your partner”. It’s simply straightforward.

• Steer clear of quarrel and revenge

Safety comes first. If you reckon that your partner will overreact, avoid relentless arguments. It’s unlikely you two will reach an agreement without tackling the problems. If your partner protests your decision to split up, quarrels will either make you both agitated or drag you back into a bad relationship.

Worse than quarrel is planning to revenge. Apart from a waste of your time, it will lead you to miss your ex more than ever and stall your recovery.

• Never say “we can still be friends”

Do not beg your partner to reconsider the relationship. The sooner you accept the fact that it is over, the faster you will recover. In the neuroimmunology research of anthropologist Helen Fisher it’s demonstrated that the dumpees would go through a period familiar with detoxing, however, their “symptom” could be relieved gradually in time. But the process is unbelievably fragile. Once they were triggered back to the thought of re-getting the “drug”, say they receive an email from their ex out of blue, they would readdicted to it in no time.

To speed up the recovery, psychologists suggest no contact after break-up, including no emails or phone calls.

It is unwise to suggest a continuing friendship even in an effort to cushion the blow. Mr Baumeister pointed out, it might assuage the guilt of those who broke it off, but it won’t do any help for the other party. They may mistake it for a signal of getting back together someday, which could hinder both parts’ new relationships.

• Keep faith and move on

It is normal and necessary to go through a bad time after a serious relationship comes to an end.

Mr Portman said: “Love makes you terribly vulnerable. If you allow yourself to fall in love, you can get hurt really badly.” The sooner you face the pain, the sooner it will go away.

More importantly, as Mr Baumeister said: “There’s something about love that makes you think there’s only one person for you, and there’s a mythology surrounding that. But there’s nothing magical about one person.”

You must stop remorse and realise that your lost one is not the so-called “meant-to-be” one. There is no such thing as “mean-to-be”, good relationships are the result of countless efforts. That means you still have a good chance to build a perfect relationship with someone new, especially after all the lessons you learned from your last relationships.

People say time and new partner is the best remedy for a bad break-up. But starting a new relationship before you ready will only hurt you further; and time cannot save every broken-heart.

The key is yourself. You will know how to make it when you genuinely want to.