Probably the worst of the post-The Hangover, let’s get f*cked up and party hard, look-how-mental-this-is band of comedies (though in this case, I’m using a rather loose definition), Bachelorette has almost no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and is basically an experiment to see whether having an ensemble cast of characters who are entirely unlikeable can ever be feasible as a movie. It can’t. It’s hard to categorise, or analyse, any of the characters individually- as they’re all just as horrible as each other, and the only vaguely likeable characters are just banter fodder for their dickhead contemporaries- who, let’s be clear, they would never actually be friends with in real life. Just for sake of elongating the review slightly, I’ll attempt to delve into each of the character’s one dimensions.

Regan(Kirsten Dunst)- Cold, uncaring.
Katie (Isla Fisher)- Party animal, ditsy.
Gena (Lizzy Caplan)- Party animal, hung up on ex
Trevor (James Marsden)- Misogynist, rude
Clyde (Adam Scott)- Misogynist, blunt
Joe (Kyle Bornheimer)- Nice, caring

What’s fairly tragic is that the cast are actually talented, and have been good in things before, but are completely wasted because they’re portraying generic arseholes. About halfway through the film, we’re treated to a fairly dull emotional series of scenes which attempt to introduce some depth to these arseholes, but by this point it’s all in vain. It doesn’t help, of course, that the script seems to have been either written by someone with a literary form of tourettes, or by a 14 year-old who’s just discovered sex puns. Two people having sex is punctuated (genuinely) with them whispering ‘shut the fuck up’ to each other, whilst one exchange between two people (‘it’s like high school except instead of french homework, it’s my dick’ ‘well, that’s not true, because french was actually hard’) sounds fairly amusing until you realise that the context of the scene is a heart-to-heart. I mean, seriously?!

There are sporadic moments, nearer the start of the film, where the cynicism and cold-bloodedness is vaguely intriguing, but when you realise ALL of the film is going to be like this, it quickly just becomes tiresome. Also, this would be all be forgivable if it was funny. But it isn’t. It really isn’t. And any film where the self-annointed ethical message is ‘fuck everyone’ should never be watched by anyone, ever.

Watch something else. PLEASE.

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