Game of Thrones: Guide for Dummies, Chapter 1

Game of Thrones series 3 is rapidly approaching, and with it the excitement levels of every single person of the fantasy-genre persuasion. For those who either don’t have Sky Atlantic, have been living under a rock, or just aren’t into that kind of thing, the scope of enthusiasm for this show might be bewildering.

So for those desperately needing a quick GoT 101 to impress a dorky date, those thinking about starting to watch from series 3, or those who simply clicked on this article by accident, please enjoy (and learn) from my Game of Thrones guide for dummies. Obviously there are spoilers, and with no further ado, let’s start from the very beginning:



The action takes place in Westeros (think Middle-earth) where King Robert has reigned over the Seven Kingdoms for the last fourteen or so years (ssssh obsessive fans, hold all fact-checking until the end) after taking the throne from the Mad King Aerys Targaryean. King Aerys killed King Robert’s bezzie mate Ned Stark’s father and brother and his son, in turn,  kidnaps Ned’s lil sis and Robert’s betrothed, the lovely Lyanna, who also dies (sad face). With this in mind, King Robert marries the obscenely wealthy (BUT EVIL) Cersei Lannister and Ned goes home to live happily with his lovely wife Catelyn and their kiddies Robb, Sansa, Bran, Arya and Rickon. He also brings up his bastard son Jon Snow (Catelyn is NOT pleased about this) and their ward/hostage Theon Greyjoy. A couple of Aerys’s descendants manage to escape the mass murdering of the Targaryean lot and their names are Viserys and Daenerys.

Still with me? OK. Scene set. And ACTION.



Ned Stark is a happy chappy in his home in Winterfell until he hears that his mentor and the King’s right hand man Jon Arryn has been murdered and the King is travelling to Winterfell, presumably to offer Ned the job. A reluctant Ned is honour-bound to accept the position, and travels to King’s Landing with his daughters Sansa and Arya in tow. Before leaving Winterfell, however, his middle son Bran accidentally sees Queen Cersei shacking up with her twin brother Jaime incest style. Jaime, quick-thinking fella that he is, pushes Bran to his death to avoid anyone finding out, leaving poor Bran comatose.

Also you meet Tyrion, Cersai and Jaime’s younger brother who does NOT partake in the incest. Tyrion is the best.

So! As Ned, Sansa and Arya are off to King’s Landing, Catelyn stays by Bran’s side, and prevents an assassin from totally trying to murder him in his bed using a very swish knife. Realising that someone has attempted to kill Bran ON PURPOSE she decides to act as sleuth detective to find the culprit. Bran wakes up paralysed and is fairly depressed about it. Fair does.

Meanwhile bastard born Jon Snow travels to the Wall (a huge wall made from Ice, keeping out any unwanted grumpkins or snarks) to become a watcher of the wall or ‘take the black’ as it is called. He realises pretty quickly that all those mystical beasties are long gone, if they ever existed at all, and his new brothers are all nasty thieving rapist murderers who took the black to avoid prison or worse. Jon is depressed (FYI, most characters end up unhappy).

Continue reading on page 2 –

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