The best parts of my life have been spent pretending to be a popstar, dancing around my bedroom and singing at the top of my voice. In my 20’s, I’d like to pretend that I’ve moved on, become a bit more of a grown up. I’d like to tell you that I don’t spend my mornings buttering my toast whilst shaking my booty to Beyonce or trying to perfect that jumpy hop dance that Cheryl does in the Call My Name video, but alas, there I am, 8am, turning ‘grabbing the milk from the fridge’ into a dance move.
The best days for my Bedroom Concerts were in the mid to late 90s, when music seemed so much better than it does today. And thanks to The Big Reunion on ITV2 every Thursday night, featuring Atomic Kitten, Liberty X, 5ive, 911, B*witched and Honeyz, I can be reminded of those beautiful days once again.
Sure, it’s full of bands that I didn’t actually realise ever broke up, I’d already moved on by this point to much better bands like, ahem, Girls Aloud, so I paid no attention when they quit the business of show, but pull my hair and call me Hanson if you think I’m gonna miss out on them reuniting.
Not only is this show full of interesting insights into the glossed and highlighted lives of the ex-rich and ex-famous, but it also gives you all the filthy dirt behind the scenes muck that went on between the teen stars that were.
For example, who knew that when 5ive (who are now 4ive because J has decided that he’s too busy polishing his eyebrow piercings to re-join the band, stupid J) used that cardboard cut-out of Sean in a music video because he had ‘glandular fever’ was actually due to the breakdown he had because he was being bullied.
And Atomic Kitten (the Kerry one, not the Jenny one) once had a scrap in a car that resulted in one of the Kittens jumping on to another Kitten in a full on cat (ahem) fight over Brian McFadden and someone’s brother or something.
Remember 911? No, I don’t really either, but did you know that they once got deported from Bahrain? And y’know Liberty X? Well that song they did that started with ‘Sexy…’ made the not-actually-that-fat-but-fatter-than-the-other-two one feel fat and shortly after, she got addicted to diet pills.
And there’s more where that came from in the shape of Honeyz and B*Witched. I couldn’t give a glittery eye shadow’s toss about Honeyz, but B*Witched? All that denim? And how some of them are sisters but you don’t know which one because they’re really all the same person? And something about a treehouse sitting in the sky? I am there!
Sure, the best days of my life were deciding whether I’d rather be the singer one in Atomic Kitten or the blonde one in B*Witched, and learning how to actually Slam Dunk Da Funk and put it up, and pretending to be in a pleather catsuit with the rest of Liberty X. But we don’t have to be sad, we don’t have to remember when they were around because it is now. Now I tell you.
So, get embroidering sequins onto your jeans and crimp your hair because they can make you Whole Again.