A panda walks into a bar and says to the bartender “can I get a………… Martini?” The bartender says “why the big paws?”
What’s got a trunk, is big and grey and doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
What’s Forrest Gump’s email password? 1forrest1.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry and umbrella? Fo Drizzle.
Ok, now you’ve stopped crying with laughter and you’ve recovered from those tummy muscle aches you get after a giggling fit, you’ll be able to see quite clearly how actually hilarious I am. You may have also noticed point that I am in fact female. I am, I can prove it.
Well, according to a recent survey, 98% of people believe that men are funnier than women. And of course, the fact that I cracked those 4 frankly hilarious jokes just then, and the fact that I am, evidently, a woman, means that I am bound to die an old lonely spinster in a house full of cats.
This is because, and they’ve done some research to prove it’s truth, men are terrified of funny women. In their study, they asked both men and women in their 20s whether they were looking for a partner who produced or appreciated humour. Whilst the majority of the women would rather find a funny man, the men would rather find a lady to simply laugh along to his hilarity, presumably whilst she’s whipping up a casserole and mopping up his tears of laughter.
Dr Martin, who was conducting the tests, simply had this to say: “Men see being funny as a male thing.” I can only assume that this Doc has the sense of humour of a goldfish, but he has done the research, so the next thing to suppose is that he’s right, blokes really are intimidated by funny women.
In the past, I have read articles of a similar content that suggests that when men hear a woman crack a joke, they instantly assume that she’s a lesbian. Lest we forget the delightful comedian (and I use that word loosely), Mike Sheer, who reckons that women aren’t as funny as rape. He rants about the lack of attractive comediennes, and suggests that, if a woman is funny then that’s only because she suddenly decided to be and then copied all the clever, funny men’s jokes to use as her own. But he also thinks that rape is quite funny, so we won’t pay much attention to what he thinks.
I’d like to think that I could stand up against a mildly funny man and be able to match him in the humour stakes, and I have also found in the past that when I share a few jokes with a fella, we get on far better and presumably an attraction is formed and on it goes from there, but as Dr Martin’s research has apparently proved, I must have been very wrong.
So what are funny women meant to do? Accept that they’re not allowed to be funny if they ever want to meet a man who might fancy them a bit? Or live a hilarious life of joke telling until all your friends are married with kids and you’re alone cracking gags to your own reflection? Perhaps I’ll conduct my own experiment to prove that funny women are brilliant and completely fanciable, or perhaps I’ll just sit here and burn all my joke books and replace them with Betty Crocker manuals.
So, at the risk of repulsing any future gentlemen friends I may meet, I shall leave you with this:
Why did Mary fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.