Strange accents, stranger dances and the excruciating fear of gaining “nil points”, yes apparently the cheesiest annual pop contest that is Eurovision is back.
Now in its 58th year, I’m starting to wonder, in fact I’m almost certain it’s had its day. Don’t get me wrong, usually I love all things that are a little tacky but there is something about the infamous competition that frankly makes me cringe. Also might I remind you that Eurovision is the contest who shunned the epitome of hairbrush pop when the UK’s own boy band Blue came in at a rather dismal 11th place.
This year the UK have pinned their hopes of reliving the glory days of Bucks Fizz upon Bonnie Tyler, the woman most famous for bringing us “Total Eclipse of the Heart”. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m skeptical. She will sing “Believe in Me” in the hope of bringing the crown back to the UK but frankly Bonnie I really don’t believe in you. I’m not second doubting that the woman can sing, but from what I’ve seen Eurovision demands more than just a decent voice. To put it bluntly, you need to be a little odd to succeed or just dance like your Granddad after a few whiskeys at a wedding. Otherwise failing that, you just need to befriend your surrounding nations.
Undoubtedly there is a heavy sense of politics to the way the contest is scored. Most countries have alliances to others so despite how painful it is to listen to their act sing; you can be assured they will receive a high score in return for one back. Seems fair right?!
The UK seem dumb founded, however, to why they are failing each year (why we care however is a completely different matter). My answer? Just put in One Direction! Of course, I am a biased fan, but much like myself, Europe, along with the rest of the globe is infatuated with them! It’s a no-brainer. Get them up there singing “What Makes You Beautiful”, throw in coordinated outfits and awkward dance moves into the equation it will be ours for the taking!
However here’s to hoping that before it comes to that, the UK comes to their senses and finds a better way to spend a Saturday night.