When you hear the phrase ‘healthy lifestyle’ it’s understandable if you picture yourself eating vegetables, drinking gallons of water and practising meditation like a staunch Buddhist. But being healthy isn’t just about consuming ‘whole foods’ and attaining the elusive thing we like to call spiritual enlightenment. There’s a little more to it than that, so I’m going to jump straight into number one of my tips:
1. Put that magazine down.
Just to clarify, when I say ‘magazine’ I’m referring to those rancid lifestyle mags that plague the shelves of our supermarkets; basically anything that has the word ‘health’ in its title. Contrary to what you might believe, they’re not there to help you, so if you follow their advice for the latest fad diet or top notch workout you’re going to be disappointed with the ensuing results. Any market research employed by these phonies is either plain biased or completely fabricated. I doubt the latest herbal supplement will help you lose a whopping 60% more fat than if you dieted without it, for example. I may have plucked that out of thin air, but that’s exactly what you’ll get when you pick up one of these sorry wastes of paper. If you find yourself buying such a magazine then I strongly encourage you to use it for toilet paper (although it might not be the most comfortable arse wipe you’ve ever had)!
The point I’m making here is: don’t let anyone else tell you how to eat and exercise. More importantly don’t rely on them to do so. Eat healthily and reward yourself for it; spoil yourself, just don’t soil yourself.
2. Drink alcohol
If you think tip number two is counter productive to your health then you’re probably right. But you’re also very wrong! Alcohol might be a depressant in high doses, but as long as you don’t drink like a idiot you’ll be fine. Our poisonous friend lowers your inhibitions, which can be a rather good thing in some cases. If you didn’t have that bit of ‘Dutch courage’ you may not have been able to chat up that nice person at the bar…
3. Use swear words
Words hardly mean anything when you look at it from a certain angle; all we’re really doing when we talk is releasing carbon dioxide and making noise. Perhaps I’m being silly. Anyway, put simply, swear words are offensive to some people, but they are also highly amusing and can be rather expressive. So I say why not use the sh*t out of them? Stop being such a f*cking prude. Let loose a little bit, it’s good for you!
4. Eat fatty food
Fatty foods are good for you, in moderation at least. Bacon is fatty, and if you don’t like bacon then you need to re-evaluate your life (or quit pretending to be a vegetarian). Low-fat foods are usually full of sugar, and worse for your health. Word.
5. Don’t get angry (too much)
Admittedly the fifth tip may prove to be impossible to accomplish, but it’s worth a go. Do you recall the horrid screwed up look people have on their face when they get angry with you? The look that gives the most beautiful woman in the world the demeanour of a very nasty troll? That’s pretty much how you look when you get angry as well. It’s not nice to see. Not only does it make you look ugly, it makes you feel horrible too. When you’re in a fit of rage every little thing annoys you, which makes you even angrier. Silly isn’t it? Next time you’re about to see red, take a time-out and ask yourself if it’s actually worth getting angry. The answer will probably be no!
6. Be honest
The importance of honesty seems to have slipped under the radar of society these days. Whether you’re stringing someone along or you’ve lied about taking the last slice of cake, put a cork in it. Be open and honest and people will thank you for it. You never know, you might even start a trend of ‘truth telling;’ a newer, better version of ‘Chinese Whispers.’ Imagine a world where everyone told the truth? Heart breaks would be much less common and politicians wouldn’t be hated so much (I can’t be sure about that one, however).
7. Give to charity
Have you ever heard someone say ‘I’d like to give to charity, but there’s no way of knowing where the money is going to?’ Of course you have; I’ve even said it myself on a number of occasions. But then I realised it’s just a way of us ‘justifying’ our selfishness and unwillingness to part with a bit of money. Forget that. If you don’t give to charity then you shouldn’t have to justify anything. It’s your business whether or not you want to donate, just don’t pretend that you would if you could just to save face. Giving to charity isn’t about image, and it never has been.
Pick a charity and donate to it every now and then. It’s a very healthy thing to do, both for yourself and for your charity of choice. You might just be making a difference, even if you don’t know it.
If you found these tips useful then this article has done its job. After all, being healthy is all about the mind as well as the body. Surely that is something we can all agree upon?