The shame of being pale

People such as Nicola Roberts and Kristen Stewart have arguably made being pale (or in my case ‘glow in the dark’) cool. I couldn’t disagree more

Now, I should state that I DO NOT fake tan or wear so much foundation I look like Dale Winton and David Dickinson’s lovechild but, being pale does have its disadvantages. The British sun is particularly strong but I do get tired of slapping on the factor 50 every time the sun comes out. This weekend has been gloriously hot, and I’ve loved it, I am determined to get a tan this summer. Last year I tried spray tanning which involved shamelessly getting my bits out in a shower of a beauty salon and being sprayed like I was somebody’s garden fence.

This year I’ve taken the natural route which involved subjecting myself to two weeks of excruciating sunburn (though this was an accident) and then sitting out in the sun as much as I can for as long as I can after that. I’ve slightly tanned but I have a long way to go before I’m as brown as a normal human being would be after spending time in the sun, it’s not very glamorous either as it does involve a lot of sweating and generally being very hot – I’m not used to subjecting myself to such temperatures being a distant relative of Casper the Friendly Ghost. It’s more in my nature to sit indoors and look at the sun out of the window dreaming about having a beach body with the tan lines to match. I’ve gotten so desperate now that on a sunny day I will eat three meals a day in the garden on my sun lounger. To be honest I think I’ve gone a bit crazy on Vitamin D (yes, I’m sat outside writing this now).

Things that I find difficult being ridiculously pale include (but are not exclusive to):

  • Having guys stay over: As much as I love not going to bed alone, it’s really embarrassing having to dive under the covers before he sees that my legs glow in the dark.
  • The looks you get on the beach: Laying there in your swimming costume while people stare at your legs that match the colour of the ice cream they’re eating I could do without.
  • Getting your legs out is pretty much impossible: I’ve not worn shorts in about ten years and own 10 maxi dresses I live in during the summer months.
  • Finding a foundation that doesn’t make you look orange without having to spend a fortune is near impossible: Even L’Oreal’s porcelain shade makes me look like I’ve had a fight with a Wotsit some days.
  • My friends insist on comparing the colour of the underside of their forearms with mine to make them feel better about having a rubbish tan: Yes girls, I’m guaranteed to be whiter than you are.
  • People are genuinely shocked when you do manage to change colour: This week I’ve had plenty of comments saying that I don’t look like my usual glowing (in a bad way) self.

Feel free to add some more below pale comrades!

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