Working to live or living to work?

I feel very strange, i’m at that weird stage of my life where the majority of the people I know are pregnant or getting married. Those people tend to have their ‘careers’ on the go too and they go on holidays every summer.

Meanwhile I am working on my 2nd 11 month internship, working two jobs because I can’t find full time permanent work and I am struggling to get by. My partner and I have literally no spare cash and when the electric bill comes or my MOT is due I break out in a cold sweat.

I am not sure if it is a generational thing, you know that whole millennial curse crap? I don’t like blaming people and I don’t like giving up. Which is why I will happily work my two jobs, I will happily get up early when all I want to do is sleep, I will do my hourly commute to my jobs in the city, all to put food on the table and pay my bills.

The most upsetting thing about all of this  is that I am not alone. This is normal life now, you don’t just get to work one job for 35 hours a week and have your weekend off.

I am trying so hard to not just get stuck in this cycle of getting up and going to work and coming home and sleeping. I am trying so hard to find hobbies, to find that thing that keeps me going. So i’m playing my violin, writing songs, playing games, going out at the weekend and trying to embrace all of the little moments that people over look.

The killer thing is, it’s so hard.

It’s hard to not get swept up in a world where people work 5 days, go on some crappy holiday and come back and moan about their job. I don’t want that life for me.

I need my job to be something I am so passionate about. I need something that I get excited about. I need that thing that will give me the kick to work extra for. Now you reading this might think I’m being naive and that ‘you’re just so young you don’t understand’. My answer is screw that. I am my own person and I know my own mind.

I want a life full of adventure, I want weeks of holidays instead of days. I don’t want holidays where you sit on a beach, however down time like that is lovely. I need a backpack filled with 5 outfits and one pair of shoes and I want to see everything, I want to experience everything. I want to share it with the world and I want my life to be spectacular. I do not want to get to my older years and regret that I never did something.

I feel better now I got that off my chest. Sorry for the rant!

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